Overcoming Self-Sabotage: From Shyness to Empowerment
Hey Sis,
I had a Bunco Luau ya’ll! This time last year, I didn’t even know what a Bunco was…
My BS (back-story)
Growing up, I was always the shy kid, preferring the background over the spotlight. The fear of attention and judgment held me back from many opportunities. As an adult, this shyness turned into self-sabotage. I avoided tasks and opportunities that put me in the spotlight. Even worse, if I did do something, I would never promote it. After the moment passed, I would feel bad that I didn’t “show up” the way I wanted to. Make that make sense.
The Turning Point
My turning point came when I realized that my dream of starting a YouTube channel was being overshadowed by my fears and self-doubt. I would spend hours rearranging furniture to create the perfect setup, only to be too exhausted to film. It was a classic case of perfectionism and avoidance. So I started small. Baby steps took me a long way. Let’s talk about Bunco…
What is Bunco?
Bunco is a fast-paced, social dice game played in rounds with groups of players competing in pairs to score points. Different groups may play with different rules, but they generally hold some basic commonalities. Here’s a quick overview:
Players: 12 players divided into three groups of four, each sitting at a separate table.
Rounds: Players take turns rolling three dice, aiming to roll the target number for that round.
Scoring:
A player achieves a bunco by rolling three-of-a-kind matching the round number.
Rolling ones adds one point for each one rolled.
Rolling any other three-of-a-kind is worth five points.
End of Round: The round ends when the "high" table reaches 21 points.
Rotation: Winning teams move up, losing teams move down, and players rotate tables and partners each round.
For a more detailed explanation of the game, check out this great explanation of Bunco.
Hosting a Bunco Game
The organizer of our Bunco group first invited me to play in January 2024. She enjoyed playing Bunco while stationed in Japan with the Air Force. In recent years, she focused on building a lovely monthly Ladies Bunco Game Night. My PTO President, a former Marine, was thrilled to find a local group. Bridging connections… Check!
Each month, a volunteer hosts the game, and $25 per player goes to the host for prizes, snacks, and refreshments.
Steps to Overcoming Self-Sabotage
Self-Awareness:
Acknowledge Sabotage: The first step was acknowledging that I was sabotaging myself.
Understand Desires: I am an introvert by nature but not by truth. I wanted to host events and entertain. This was my chance to show up as my true self.
Challenging Negative Thoughts:
Change the Narrative: I began challenging my inner critic, replacing thoughts like "I can't do this" with "I can’t wait to do this!"
Focus on Excitement: I reminded myself that I WANTED this. I was excited to come out of my shell.
Taking Small Steps:
Visualize Success: I visualized my guests laughing, smiling, and having a great time.
Set Positive Expectations: I thought about the best outcome I could imagine at the time.
Practical Tips
Tips for Self-Awareness:
Keep a journal to track your thoughts and identify patterns of self-sabotage.
Reflect on what triggers you. Is it scary? Does it make you angry or worried?
Tips for Challenging Negative Thoughts:
Practice positive affirmations and visualize your success.
Recognize that you are in the situation because you attracted it. Focus on how it can turn out better than expected.
Tips for Building Confidence:
Set small, achievable goals and celebrate each milestone.
IRL
I volunteered for July and chose a Bunco Luau theme. Straw table skirts, leis, and Sangria brought the space to life. My bestie and her mom helped me decorate and provided heavy hors d'oeuvres and a fantastic Sangria. Kisha and Mama Joy supported me while allowing me to do things my way. This type of support was invaluable and something I'll discuss more in another post or maybe on my podcast… we’ll see.
Conclusion
Overcoming self-sabotage is a journey of self-awareness, challenging negative thoughts, and taking consistent action. Because I even had the thought to host the game, I knew I needed to do it, despite my introverted comfort zone. When you have a thought that contradicts your normal actions, there is a reason for it. I was excited by something that used to terrify me. By the end of the night, I saw all the smiles and laughter I had been visualizing days before.
If I can transform my shyness into empowerment, so can you. Embrace the journey, and celebrate your wins.